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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Carlos has left the United Kingdom ...

... and gone to live in that strange mid-Atlantic place that many of our popular music artistes seem to inhabit. You see, I found myself recently in a small wooden box, nervously staring at an expensive recording microphone and tasked to add some backing vocals to our band's recordings. The words were very British English (I wrote some of them, so that's a given!) but as soon as the music started, all ability to pronounce words properly fled me. What happened, as I sweltered in the box, was that I was magically transported to that world where a 'thing' becomes a 'theee-yung' and 'this' becomes 'theeeee-us'.

And you know what? Mid-Atlantic English is the only acceptable one in which to perform popular music. Your Ray Davies, Pete Shelley and Noel Gallagher are all very well in a parochial British way but for maximum global acceptance you have to park yourself vocally 1500 miles off these shores.

Never mind auto-tune (and for the record - pun intended - everyone does it so stop pretending to be so shocked), there should be a software gadget for auto-mid-atlanticing any vocal performance. That would be an essential weapon in the arsenal of any music producer.

Now, where's my JLS CD?

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