My three-point diet plan

By popular demand, here is my three-point diet plan. I have lost over stone on it so far, so in my unscientific sample, 100% of those asked said they lost over a stone following this simple method:

1. Only eat what you need. Don't be a greedy fucker.
2. Treat yourself from time to time. A treat is OK because it's not the norm.
3. Don't get in the car every time you need to go anywhere. Walking or cycling is good.

That's it. Off you go.